It is hard to believe, but Gavin is already 4 1/2 months old.  He is rolling both ways, although mostly from his tummy to back in protest of tummy time   He grabs for everything and chews on it, and is already a champ in his exersaucer.  I am impressed with how much he can do as it seems like just yesterday he was only a litttle lump in my arms.

As I watch Gavin reach these milestones, I also think about my sweet Sonia.  Four and a half months was the oldest she ever got, and these milestones that Gavin is reaching were just out of her reach before her final surgery.  I can still remember the night I was sure she was going to roll over.   I must have taken a dozen photos on my cell phone thinking it was just a moment away.  As hard as it is to think about her absence, it is a joy to remember the time she was here.  One of the many blessings of Gavin’s life for me has been a daily reminder of Sonia.  Her 4 1/2 months felt so much longer, and yet in the year and a half since she passed away I have had trouble really remembering what it was like to be with her.  Gavin’s first months have been a beautiful reminder of so many moments from holding her in my arms to bathing her in her little tub and her sweet smile when she heard my voice.  Such beautiful memories.

In the year between her death and Gavin’s birth, I longed for the weight of a baby in my arms again.  A part of me just wanted my Sonia back, but I think I also longed to hold a sweet baby again.  Needless to say, I hold Gavin like crazy and have even taken to “wearing” him when I can.  Although I get frustrated when he wont let me put him down, I try to remember the weeks and months when I was not able to pick up Sonia.  And I try to take joy in Gavin’s babyhood.  I am so proud of how quickly he has grown and the life he has in front of him, but it is a bit sad too to see him grow so fast.

I hope to post some pics of Gavin and Faye soon.  With Jason working like crazy, the photographer duties have fallen on me.

It was one year ago today that our precious angel Sonia passed away.  Just like Israel Independence Day is always preceded by a day of mourning for Memorial Day, my birthday will forever be preceeded by a day of mourning and rememberance for the child we lost.

In some ways it seems like it has been far longer than a year.  Reluctantly, our life has continued on almost just as it had before Sonia came into our lives.  We are back at home, I’m back (and away) at work and Faye is back to her role as the center of attention.  However, in other ways it seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms and making silly faces together.  Her mark on our life is permanent and persistent.  Sometimes her memory will pop up at the most unexpected times – and that’s a good thing.  Shannon and I are always struggling to find “correct” ways to remember and honor our daughter, but I think what means the most to me is when I’m going about my daily life and her memory just floods my mind and brings a smile to my face or a tear to my eye.

Sonia’s memory makes me a better person too.  When I make decisions and go about my daily life, I often think about what Sonia would think of my actions or how I can honor her life by being better to others and fully appreciating life.

While Faye can’t quite post on the blog yet (not for lack of trying), I know she too remembers her sister.  She loves to look through Sonia’s photo album and still talks about her “sister in heaven.”  It was a little sad to answer Faye’s questions at first, and to know that she missed her too, but now I can appreciate how wonderful it is that Faye really knew her sister and can actually talk about her.  I know it might be a lot to expect a child to remember 2-year-old memories for the rest of her life, but I think if we foster her memories and ideas about her sister they might actually stick.  The 2.5 million pictures of the two of them together might help too.

September 10th will probably always be a bitter-sweet day for us – a reminder or our loss, but another opportunity to cherish the joy that Sonia brought to us.  You are forever in our hearts.

This post is a little late, but we’ve been busy running around before I deploy.  I wanted to actually take some time to sit down and write something meaningful.

The unveiling of Sonia’s gravestone was held over Memorial Day weekend.  It was a beautiful sunny day, just like it was on the day of her funeral.  We were surrounded by family and friends that came from near and far.  The atmosphere was different than when we gathered there last September.  I felt like we said goodbye to her then, where as we were saying hello and we miss you at the unveiling.

The rabbi that lead the funeral had to cancel at the last minute to due an illness in his family, but he had a friend come in his place.  He did a wonderful job and even though he barely knew our family, he gave an excellent sermon and honored Sonia well.  There was an airshow going on nearby for fleet week, and some beautiful classic planes flew overhead during the ceremony.  While some might have found this distracting, the pilot in me thought it was a fitting tribute.  I’d like to think Sonia arranged it for us.

The stone itself is beautiful.  Shannon and I put a lot of thought into the design and it came out just as we had hoped.

The permanence and finality of the memorial were sad and comforting at the same time.  It reminds us of her passing, but it gives us something physical to touch and see and remember her by.  Faye did not attend the ceremony, but we all came back the following day to visit with Sonia and place rocks on her gravestone (a Jewish custom).  Faye did real well and it was touching to hear her talk about sister. 

Faye is a real “gatherer” whenever we go outside.  I often come back from our walks with my pockets filled with rocks (at her request).  What we have started to do is pick one special rock from each of our walks and place them in a special box for Sonia.  Now when we go visit her, Faye can bring a little piece of home to Sonia.

We can’t thank Marv and Nathalie enough for opening their house to us and our family for the reception following the ceremony.  You both made what was going to be a quick get-together into a warm family gathering.  Thanks to all who came to honor Sonia.  We hope that this was just one of many visits you will make to her graveside.

One of Jerry’s closest friends, Marvin Bloom, and his wife have generously offered their home to us on the afternoon of Sonia’s stone unveiling.  This means we WILL NOT be going to Ben’s Deli following the ceremony, but instead to the Bloom home which is at 2 Maple Way in Woodbury, NY.  We will be having kosher catering.  All other details will remain the same.

We are planning to have the unveiling of Sonia’s gravestone at 10:30 a.m. on May 25, 2008, which is the Sunday of Memorial day weekend.  This will be a time for our friends and family to gather at her grave to honor her memory, and place a rock on her gravestone.  Following the brief ceremony, we will gather either at a family member’s house or a restaurant in Long Island.

If you are near and would like to join us, we will post specific information as the day gets closer.  Sonia is buried in Long Island, New York in the New Montefiore Cemetery.  We would love to be surrounded by loved ones on that day.

Sonia’s birthday is also approaching on April 24th, and I know it will be a hard day.  I think about Sonia all of the time, and see her in so many baby faces that I pass, especially those with dark hair and blue eyes.  She had such beautiful eyes.  We miss Sonia so dearly.  I know these missed milestones will be hard for Jason and me, but we are doing our best to remember our girl and the miracle that was her life.

LATEST UPDATE: One of Jerry’s closest friends, Marvin Bloom, and his wife have generously offered their home to us on the afternoon of Sonia’s stone unveiling.  This means we WILL NOT be going to Ben’s Deli following the ceremony, but instead to the Bloom home which is at 2 Maple Way in Woodbury, NY.  We will be having kosher catering.  All other details will remain the same.  We will email out directions and try to have them at the ceremony.