Christmas Lessons for a Jewish Mom

My earliest Christmas memory took place in my elementary school music class.  I was wearing headphones and listening to a Walkman while the rest of my class sang Jesus Loves Me.  This was the solution my public school came up with to deal with the sensitive Jewish kid whose mom forbade her to sing songs that included “Jesus”.

This is just one example of a Christmas experience that made me feel isolated, left out, and awkward. From cashiers asking what Santa was going to bring me, to public school teachers who were obviously put out by my mom’s requests for less religious activities.  Christmas time always made me feel like an outsider in my own community.

This may explain why I felt so overprotective this year as Faye approached her first “Holiday Season” in public school.  I wanted to protect her and keep her from developing such negative feelings about Christmas.  I also wanted to make sure the other adults in her life were sensitive to her in this time.

With my defenses up, I received an email from the school room mom about the upcoming “Holiday” party.  Although the email did not contain the word “Christmas”, it was filled with thoughts about the red and green cupcakes, ornament decorating, and other Christmas themed activities she had planned for the occasion.

Later that week, following my Chanukah explanation to her class, I gave Faye’s teacher a Chanukah movie to show during their daily quiet time.  He was very thankful and told me he would be happy to show it.

So the next day, when Faye broke into tears telling me her teacher showed The Grinch instead, I was livid.  He had already shown two days worth of Christmas programming, and Faye had been looking forward to sharing a Chanukah movie with her friends.

For me, these two events felt like music class all over again.  More adults overlooking the non-Christian kids and assuming every child wanted to celebrate Christmas.  I was determined to make both of them more sensitive to the needs of my daughter and kids like her.

Starting with the room mom, I sent an email explaining why Faye would not be comfortable participating in a Christmas party.  This went very well, and she was more than generous with her response.  She added a variety of cupcakes colors to the menu and agreed to include crafts other than ornament making to her list.

My next email was to Faye’s teacher.  I started by expressing my overall disappointment in the celebration of Christmas in school and tried to explain how hard this is on Jewish kids.  I’ll admit, he was getting a few years (read: decades) worth of pent up Christmas frustration, and the email was both long and angry.  Thankfully, I put that email aside for a few hours until I could discuss it with Jason.

This is when the issue really started to change for me.  Jason asked what I hoped to accomplish with my email.  Did I think the entire school was going to stop celebrating Christmas because it was hard on our child?  Were strangers going to stop wishing her a Merry Christmas at every turn?  How big of an impact could her teacher make?

Put that way, I realized I was putting a lot of pressure on this teacher to change a culture he had no control over.  With that in mind, I deleted my original email and simply asked him to consider showing the Chanukah movie before the end of the week.  He quickly replied that he would be happy to show our movie.

The experience that had the biggest impact on me was volunteering at the “Holiday” Party in Faye’s classroom. To my surprise, both the teacher and the other parents were genuinely committed to making the party comfortable for everyone. There were a variety of non-Christmas related crafts, and even a Chanukah bingo game.  When Faye came upon a table with a Christmas ornament craft, another mother simply suggested she make it as a gift for a friend.  Problem solved.

These experiences of Christmas in the public school over the past two weeks have really changed my perspective on the matter. For all of my worrying and defending, I found most of the people I spoke with to be accommodating. While I would prefer the public schools not be filled to the brim with Christmas, I no longer fear for the affect this will have on my children.

It is not my job to change how Christmas celebrations affect my children, but rather to instill in them a love for Judaism and for all of our holidays throughout the year.  With all of the Chanukah parties we have had/attended this year, I have no doubt they are feeling that love.