Let me start by saying Evelyn is completely fine and back to her usual self now.  However, this past Saturday night, I came very close to losing her.  We were visiting some of our closest friends for an evening, when I decided to lay her down for a nap.  Our friends had a pack and play set up for their 2 year old, and I figured she would be fine in there for a short nap.  There were blankets in it, but I didn’t think she would be able to move enough for them to be a danger.  At home Evy sleeps in a sleeper with a buckle, so I’m not used to her being down in an open space like that.

Time went by and she was cranky, but okay.  When everyone decided to go outside for a bit, I weighed the ideas of getting the baby carrier from my car first, or just picking her up and bringing her out.  Thankfully, I went to get her first.  When I first looked in the crib, I could not find her and was confused.  Then I saw her legs sticking out from under a blanket.  She was still moving and thus breathing, so I was spooked but assumed she was fine.  Moments later, she threw up all over me and then seemed to go limp.  I thought maybe she was just sleepy, but then she started to turn pale.  Throughout all of this, she was breathing, of that I made sure.  But as you can imagine, I panicked and called my friends to come help me.  We called 911 and waited first for local EMT’s and then for the paramedics who took about 30 minutes to arrive.  Slowly, she started moving her toes and her fingers, but her legs and arms remained too limp for my comfort.  She was also very pale for about 30 mintues.

When the paramedics finally arrived, they said she was fine.  They monitored her blood-oxygen level, her heart rate, and her breathing, and all were normal. At this point, I think I was able to stop shaking in panic, but I was still very worried.

As most of you know, I held my dear Sonia for many hours after she passed away.  Sadly, I know all too well what a child looks like when they are gone.  And 2 nights ago, my Evelyn looked very much like this.  My sweet social baby could hardly keep her eyes open, let alone look at anyone.  To me, it looked like she wasn’t there, and because she was breathing on her own, there was nothing I could do.  It was traumatic and I was so scared.  I just kept thinking, not again.

After the paramedics sat with her and watched her color start to come back, they told me they did not think a transport was necessary.  Instead, one of my dearest friends Caitlyn drove Evy and me to the ER where the doctor reassured us Evy was okay.  Her prediction was that Evy didn’t get enough oxygen when she was under the blanket, and her limp body and loss of color were her body’s reaction to this.  We went home somewhat assured that this was a one time deal, and that I would NEVER again put her in a crib with blankets.  You can imagine how little I slept that night, checking her breathing every 30 minutes or so.

Today, I took Evelyn in to see her regular doctor, who we happen to love.  She sat with me for the full 15 minutes going over what might have happened, and what we might need to do to make sure Evy is okay.  She said Evy might have aspirated after throwing up because she was already in such distress.  This means some of the vomit went into her airways and caused them to close.  She also thinks Evy might have had a seizure due to the lack of oxygen from being under the blanket.  Either way, we will never know.

One of the tests they did today was an EKG, which required Evy to lay on a baby warming bed and have leads hooked up all over her body.  Sonia slept in a warming bed almost exactly like this for most of her life, with leads very similar to the ones on Evelyn’s body.  I remember so vividly not being able to hold Sonia, and having to find ways to comfort my newborn in that tiny little warming bed.

Just looking at Evy, so soon after almost losing her, looking so much like my Sonia, really affected me.  Hours later in the grocery store, with Evelyn strapped to my chest, it occurred to me that she came very close to dying.  Had I decided to first go to my car before checking on her, or even worse if I had just let her cry it out, she may not be here today.  I was trying to pick out a snack from that aisle and all I could think about was my precious Evelyn’s life.  I held her little hand as she slept, and tried not to lose it in the cracker aisle.